I had the privilege of spending some time with my father-in-law, Robert Lee, in the last month of his life. It all happened so quickly that I can’t quite process his passing. I will be okay and then a wave of grief will pass over me when something reminds me of him. My father-in-law, Robert, always had me call him “Dad” and out of respect for his request (no disrespect intended to my brother-in-laws) I will call him “Dad” for the remainder of this. In reality, my father-in-law really was a dad to me.
Dad’s visit to us in mid-June seemed like just another visit, which was always filled with fun for the grandkids and lots of chit-chat with Dave and myself. Something was wrong this time, though. Dad complained of stomach pains and no amount of begging on my part could persuade him to eat. For those who know Dad, this is something very unusual. He was still jovial and shared pictures with us from his childhood, but somehow the discomfort he had never left him. I took him to the fitness club several times, but he didn’t swim and only used the steam room. When Dave brought Lydia to swim with Dad, he sat in a chair and looked at Lydia, but made no effort to get up for the longest time. This never happened because when the grandkids wanted to swim, no one was more enthusiastic then grandpa. I felt like something was off and when I took Dad to get the ultrasound(s), they seemed to take much longer than normal.
The most shocking news came when the results from the ultrasounds were viewed by Dave. He shared the information with Dad gradually. Dad never once felt sorry for himself and we watched as he slowly processed the information. He got so weak that before we left for Canada he had to have 3 bags of IV pumped into him. Nevertheless, he did not complain on the long car trip up.
I have never seen anyone face death with so much courage. Dad never looked back on his short life with regret, but only looked forward. He said in Chinese that he was uncomfortable, but not in pain. Even when his pain was the greatest, he never admitted he was in pain. And that’s how my father-in-law approached everything in life. He always put others first and himself last and he never wanted people to worry about him. Robert Lee always served others and never expected others to serve him. He spent his living helping other people and never lived selfishly. This is how a Christian should live and in many respects it doesn’t surprise me much that he became one in the end. The legacy he leaves is one of always helping others no matter how difficult or how great the cost.
Finally, the one comfort Christine, Claire and Lydia have is of seeing grandpa once again in heaven. Claire said, “But it will be so long before we see him again!” I agree, but it will have been worth the wait.
Dad’s visit to us in mid-June seemed like just another visit, which was always filled with fun for the grandkids and lots of chit-chat with Dave and myself. Something was wrong this time, though. Dad complained of stomach pains and no amount of begging on my part could persuade him to eat. For those who know Dad, this is something very unusual. He was still jovial and shared pictures with us from his childhood, but somehow the discomfort he had never left him. I took him to the fitness club several times, but he didn’t swim and only used the steam room. When Dave brought Lydia to swim with Dad, he sat in a chair and looked at Lydia, but made no effort to get up for the longest time. This never happened because when the grandkids wanted to swim, no one was more enthusiastic then grandpa. I felt like something was off and when I took Dad to get the ultrasound(s), they seemed to take much longer than normal.
The most shocking news came when the results from the ultrasounds were viewed by Dave. He shared the information with Dad gradually. Dad never once felt sorry for himself and we watched as he slowly processed the information. He got so weak that before we left for Canada he had to have 3 bags of IV pumped into him. Nevertheless, he did not complain on the long car trip up.
I have never seen anyone face death with so much courage. Dad never looked back on his short life with regret, but only looked forward. He said in Chinese that he was uncomfortable, but not in pain. Even when his pain was the greatest, he never admitted he was in pain. And that’s how my father-in-law approached everything in life. He always put others first and himself last and he never wanted people to worry about him. Robert Lee always served others and never expected others to serve him. He spent his living helping other people and never lived selfishly. This is how a Christian should live and in many respects it doesn’t surprise me much that he became one in the end. The legacy he leaves is one of always helping others no matter how difficult or how great the cost.
Finally, the one comfort Christine, Claire and Lydia have is of seeing grandpa once again in heaven. Claire said, “But it will be so long before we see him again!” I agree, but it will have been worth the wait.
Tammy
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